Children and death

Death is a painful experience –
and one of the hardest parts
for parents can be talking about
it with their children. Here are
some tips on how to handle
the topic with your little ones.
“Death shouldn’t be taboo,” says Kay Johnson, Director of Griefworks B.C., a bereavement resource and referral service. “We don’t want to create pain for our children, so we often think that by not talking about death we’re accomplishing that goal. But kids do have questions, sadness, anger, and pain.”
Grief experts offer these ideas for discussing the death of a loved one with kids.
Be Clear
“Euphemisms can do more harm than good,” says Dr. Nancy Reeves, a Victoria, B.C., psychologist specializing in grief and loss and author of A Path Through Loss. “I’ve seen kids scared to go to bed because they’re told ‘Grandma has gone to sleep.’” Be concrete: “Grandpa’s heart stopped working.” Observes Johnson, “If you say ‘they’re with God,’ the child may wait for the person to return.”
Explain Mortality
Children of different ages perceive and talk about death in different ways, notes Reeves. Until 6 or so, the concept of “dead forever” isn’t easily understood. You need to talk about how the person who died won’t be coming back. Give direct answers, because what a child is imagining may be worse that the reality. At around 6 to 9, children understand mortality, which can cause anxiety about death and raise a big question: Why do people die? Adults need to help children see that death isn’t a punishment and that it occurs for many reasons.
Give Permission for Feelings
By 9 to 11, children don’t want to be thought of as young. They may hide grief from parents, says Reeves, so need “permission” to express their feelings any way they wish. Adolescents are usually torn between wanting to be independent and needing support from their parents, so their feelings can be conflicting and seem intense, says Johnson. Teens often worry that adults will belittle their strong emotions, so show respect for their grief, and ask what they need from you.
Don’t Push
Each child responds to a loss their own way, and not necessarily like you, says Johnson. Children can only take in so much at one time, and will talk when they’re ready. Always be willing to talk, but let your kids be in charge of when and how much.
Show Your Emotions
Don’t try to be stoic for the sake of your children. “If you’re true to your own grief – if your kids see you cry, if you say how much you miss the person who died – you show it’s okay to talk about your feelings,” says Reeves. “By sharing our grief with children, we teach them that strong emotions are normal and won’t harm us if we express them.”
Two more sleeps
Thursday afternoon I'll be flying to Ottawa to help Aila celebrate her 6th Birthday. I have not been there since last November (hard to believe though). Every time I see a picture of the girls they have grown, especially Anneka. I am very much looking forward to seeing them all.Hmmm!
Muffin Caps1 Pack Quaker Oatmeal Muffin mix
2 eggs
2 c water
1 teasp cinnamon
1-½ c regular oats, (not the minute kind!)
1 cup bran flakes
1 cup milled flax seeds
2 cup toasted/salted sunflower seeds
1 cup sweetened coconut
If too difficult to handle add a little more water, but keep as stiff as possible
Place on greased baking sheet with a spoon 2” to 3” dia., flatten a bit but not too much!
Bake at 400 about 10 to 15 min or until brown and crisp
Turn off oven, take them out and turn caps around, if not crispy at the bottom.
place them back into the oven an additional 10-15 min. Do not turn the oven back on.
You may increase the coconut or whatever else you want to increase or add for roughage.
I don't care for raisins but I am sure that would be okay
Anneka and Aila

Padre Nuestro (Our Father)
Huh?
Once again I will blog about Tim Horton's.and an other Birthday
To Ron who turns 45on July 1st
There is just something about an oldest son
wait......reminds me how young I was when he was born
and I had to pretend I knew all there was to know about being the perfect Mom!
We love you Son
****************

Us
Ted often has to repeat himself because I can't quite understand what he is saying. He's told me that I should look into getting an hearing aid. Until the Neurologist told him that he is experiencing an other symptom of Parkinson's.This afternoon Ted mentioned that he finds himself having trouble talking. I suggested again to him to formulate his words and talk slower. To which he replied: "That is easier said than done, because my brain is so fast and my mouth can't keep up with it. Your problem is the other way around!" Uhuh!


